Pain is Universal, Baby

I can feel my motivation slowing down, if not ceasing.I feel tired and uninspired today. I've been so focused ever since I've returned home. Trying not to go out and party as much, paying bills, from there improving my gpa. I've gone out three times since I've been paid, well? Maybe twice. It hit my paycheck hard and my bar tabs were low. I didn't go out to several things I was to attend either, likely causing anger toward me. Yet, I'm almost out of money. Had to renew my parking permit today $30. Had to buy a cell phone charger $30. California parking ticket, unspeakable.I just wonder if I'll ever be able to accomplish my goals. I feel trapped. I feel exhausted. I feel little support in the things I'm trying to create for myself. Anne seems to be the only person showing me understanding and encouragement. My upstairs neighbors moved out. I should move out. My apartment is just too expensive.

...I have no where to go. I can't move back in with my parents. No, that isn't stubbornness, I mean that they have told me I can't. My father said I can, but it would be of no benefit. I would pay rent there, and for a room I could only fit my bed into and a shared bathroom. My privacy would be gone. My belongings would be gone. My complete sense of individualism and freedom, gone. I could only justify giving those things up to go to school full time, which I couldn't do if I had to pay rent and therefore work.

I feel I'm buckling under stress. I want more for myself and my future.