Every Option I Have Costs More Than I've Got

Any blog that I write will be so terribly prosaic.I'm sinking again. I need to lift up, high, high, high.I feel like I'm not getting enough rest, enough done. Time is dragging. Perhaps it's the job. Perhaps it's that I'm not in school. Not crushing on anyone. Not doing much else.
I worked more on this painting that larry loves. He says he'll pay anything for it, it's not even complete. I need new brushes before I can carry on with it. Thats a goal. To finish that. I'd like to complete enough to have an art show. I could use the money for school! I should see to that. I need money to buy supplies. I need money to buy a bass to start bass lessons. I need money for school. It appears any idea of bettering myself is expensive.

I feel like I'm wallowing toward my future. I have little to be excited about. My, if you saw me and read this the confusion you'd be overcome with. I'm happy. I'm satisfied with things overall. I just want to feel excited, fulfilled and alive somehow. I just feel...still.